Love Road
by peroxidepest17
Summary: Agito teaches two idiots to go for their dreams.


**Title: **Love Road  
**Rating: **PG-13 for language and sexual innuendo?  
**Universe:** Air Gear  
**Theme/Topic:** Student/Master  
**Character/Pairing/s:** Sano, Agito, Akito (hints of SanoxKazu and IkkixAkito?)  
**Warnings/Spoilers:** Through Episode 21 of the anime? Kind of? And lots of OOCness and crack too, btw.  
**Word Count: **1,083  
**Time:** 42 mins (no edits)  
**Summary:** Agito teaches two idiots to go for their dreams.  
**Dedication:** requested by seca! Also for kshi, because it's still her fault. XD   
**A/N: **Never written Akito/Agito before. Hope this doesn't suck! Well, I think it kind of does, but it's just crack in the end so it's all good.  
**Disclaimer:** Not mine, though I wish constantly.  
**Distribution:** Just lemme know.

As if dealing with Akito sniffling and sighing all day wasn't enough, Sano ambling into the room with a black eye and a swollen lip just made things worse, if only because he sulked around dramatically in the shadows and generally reminded everyone (sniffling and sighing Akito for one) that love wasn't doing too well under this particular roof.

Pathetic. The whole atmosphere of the room was completely pathetic.

"Fuck," Agito muttered, and tried to block out Akito's overwhelming emotional bombardment of general lovelorn misery while Sano nursed his bruised eye in the shadows and licked the blood from his lip in a wistful (clearly horny) manner.

Deep inside, Agito felt his other half sniffle in sympathy.

"ARGH," he shouted, and sprung up to his feet with a glower, clutching his head. "Stop it!"

Sano blinked. "Stop what?"

"You!" Agito continued, and pointed at the redhead. "You're pathetic. Everyone knows you make that fucking blond horny; he's just fighting you because he's a dumbass and doesn't know the difference from his own damn hard on from a punch in the face! Stop moping around, it's making Akito even more miserable."

Sano blinked. "You mean…"

"Yes! Yes I mean! Tie the fucker up and _fuck him_ and after he's calmed down untie him and take him out for some fruity ass ice cream or something! Holy fucking _shit_ he's just waiting for you to follow through, you big pedo pervert!"

Sano gaped a little bit. "But…"

"I hear him jerk off in the bathroom, and then I hear _you_ jerk off in the bathroom and then Akito _cries_ because he can't get any either way and I'm so fucking _sick_ of this goddamned house and all this goddamned pent up sexual frustration. Go FUCK HIM."

Sano stared. Then, calmly, took a breath and adjusted his glasses. "Okay."

"And you!" Agito continued to his other half, extremely agitated now. "He's not gay yet! Get over it!"

Inside, Akito wibbled, curled up at him and looked at his darker half with those big sad puppy dog eyes.

Agito sighed. "Look," he continued, a bit softer, and was Sano _still _staring at him while he had this conversation? Fuck it. "Look," he repeated, and rubbed at his temples tiredly. "That fucking crow still gets a boner every time that slut Simca shows up…"

Akito sobbed a bit.

"But!" Agito continued, hastily, "he's just not _there_ yet. _Fuck_. Give him a few more years living under this roof with all these psychotic women and he'll be gayer than Kaito before you know it."

A small sniffle. And then… "R-really?"

Agito sighed. A crazy bitch like Rika, a creepy little troll like Ume, an angry dyke like Mikan and a drooling weirdo stalker like Ringo? Yeah, he was pretty sure Ikki's heterosexuality would last about two more years max before the spiky-headed loudmouth gave up altogether and finally gave in to Akito's quiet (insistent) charm just to get some respite from all the estrogen the house _swam_ in.

There was damn much of it Agito was waiting for he and Akito to suddenly sprout breasts and start liking flowery smelling shampoo any day now. Surprised it hadn't happened already, actually.

Akito, sniffles slowing down now, seemed genuinely happy to hear the news. "Ne, ne, Agito… do you like Ikki-kun too?" he asked after a moment, and Agito nearly choked on his own (their) spit.

"Fuck no!"

Pout. "But since we'll _both_ be…"

Agito slapped a hand to his forehead. "God I hope I'm _gone_ by then."

Akito laughed. "Maa, liar."

Agito scowled. "Fuck. I'm gonna take a nap. Call me when you're being less of a gossipy woman."

Akito continued to giggle at that, and while it annoyed the hell out of the darker half of the duo, Agito supposed it was all well and good that he wasn't _crying_ about it anymore.

Hell, when Ikki got home that night the little devil was actually in high enough spirits that he jumped up and planted a big one right on the spiky-haired teenager's lips and didn't fret at all about it afterwards, when he was pulled off and yelled at in red-faced embarrassment for twenty or so minutes straight.

After dinner, both the glasses-wearing pervert and the blond looked decidedly less tense too, and snorting to himself, Agito wondered what the hell sort of crime he committed in his last life to be constantly surrounded by idiots in this one. Must have been pretty fucking bad.

No use dwelling on it though, he supposed.

Blond got fucked, redhead got some tail, and Akito wasn't sighing like a neglected puppy nearly as damned much after taking Agito's advice. He supposed he couldn't complain about that.

Figured that was good enough a deed for the next century or so even, and hoped that from here on out people would stop wandering around this house like whiny little lovesick idiots and make him want to choke them to death.

Though it was too much to wish for perhaps, because the very next morning Ringo came to him infuriated over Ikki's fascination with Simca. When he was asked what she should do on the matter, Agito flat out ignored her and instead, turned to his better half and couldn't believe this shit.

"Oi, Akito," he started, with deadly seriousness. "Let's go back to the cage. The cage was nice, right? Quiet. Peaceful. Do you want to go back maybe? I bet we could go back…"

Akito laughed at him, and didn't take the suggestion seriously at all, the crafty little bastard. "You're the one who started giving out love advice!" the lighter of the two told him brightly, and smiled with a little _too _much sweet innocence.

Agito glared, but supposed he told Akito that whole "make your own bed and sleep in it" philosophy often enough that turnabout was only fair play. Even if it was dirty and rotten and ungrateful and… argh.

Bastard.

He grumbled to himself and took a deep breath, before looking Ringo right in the eye. "You should hook up with Simca and solve _everyone's_ fuckingproblems," he told her matter-of-factly.

She blinked. "Wh-what?"

"You heard me."

And she had, because she looked so angry she wanted to cry.

At that, Agito wondered if there was something worthwhile to this whole love advice business after all.

If anything, it was starting to be kind of entertaining every now and again.

Even if everyone here was a fucking idiot.

**END**


End file.
